This is not for you / You are just not good enough / You do not have the right attributes

All three of the above phrases can be used interchangeably.  What do they mean?  It means exactly what they mean, but they are among the most under-used phrases ever.  Why?  Because thanks to the PC-brigade, we are more interested in sparing people’s feeling than telling them the harsh truth of something we call reality: That sometimes, what you dream of doing and what you can and should actually do are two totally different things.

Why don’t we use them?

The PC version of this is “You can be anything you want to be.”   Sorry, but you cannot be anything you want to be.  We only say this to avoid hurting feelings.  When I was around 8 I appeared in a school talent show telling the audience I wanted to be a firefighter when I grow up.  But I soon found out that the sight of fire not in a controlled setting (like a frying pan catching on fire) freaks me out.  So obviously, I would be a terrible firefighter!   

More recently I tried the vlog thing on Youtube, but I discovered that as soon as I turned on my video camera, I would mentally freeze up and I would sometimes do 30 takes simply because I kept screwing up my lines.  When the vlogs did make it to Youtube, they would get at most maybe 200 views – mainly because people could tell I was not comfortable in front of a video camera, that probably contributed to some of the negative comments I got as well.  If I can’t handle it when a video camera is in my face for a simple vlog, then I obviously wouldn’t make a good actor, or pretty much any profession that requires a video camera in my face.

The vlog thing raises a good point, actually.  Did I continue doing it, making myself open to mocking and ridicule?  No, I stopped because I realized I sucked at it after being pointed out to that fact.... several times.  I found out that writing blogs is more my speed.

Of course, this is just a hobby for me with writing this blog.  I have no intention of making money off it.  I don’t write enough entries to make it an income generator, but that’s just me.  

That’s one of the main things I want to bring up here.  You might have a skill that’s great as a hobby, but for whatever reason it’s not good enough to turn it into a paying profession.  Or, just because you call yourself something doesn’t mean you have the attributes to do it in one section of the industry and trying to force your way in just makes you look silly and will just alienate that industry’s target audience.

Which brings me to….

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Two public examples of people who are exactly what I am talking about.

Michael Sam.

There is no doubt that Michael Sam was a great college football player, but “good in college” does not automatically mean good in the NFL.  He simply does not have the proper attributes to be a viable option in the professional ranks.  You know, one that actually pays money.  He couldn’t even make it in the CFL!   This is not about him being gay, either.  If a guy is a baller and gives my team a better chance to win, I don’t give a damn who he is attracted to.

The PC brigade was all over the place when he got released by the Rams, who insisted it must be due to his sexual orientation.  No, it’s because he wasn’t good enough to make the final roster!  It wasn’t just people like me.  Willie McGinest, one of the best defensive players of all time in the NFL, said publicly “I just don’t think he’s that good.”  It’s McGinest’s job to analyze players, that’s why he’s paid to be an analyst on the NFL Network.  I would take his word over some PC-brigade dope bitching on Facebook.

All the analysts in the sports world saw what McGinest saw during Sam’s NFL Combine performance and his pro day: That he really just wasn’t cut out to turn his hobby (football) into something that could pay the bills.  But did anyone have the guts to take him to the side, told him they see the writing on the wall and suggest he get into another paying profession?  If you guess “not a single one,” you’re a winner, sadly.  

To me, if you an authority figure, part of your job should be recognizing when someone lacks whatever “it” is that will cause him/her to fizzle out when they try to turn a hobby into something where they get paid and tell them as such, so they don’t waste their time, other people’s time and money.  More on that later….

Tess Holliday.  

Tess Holliday is what the modeling industry likes to call a “plus sized” “model.”  Don’t get me wrong, there are “plus size” models that are very beautiful and should really be considered “normal size,” I would rather look at them than a typical runway model that looks like she is going to fall over and die any minute due to lack of food.  Except Tess is not even “plus size.”  She’s just really FAT and to be honest, obese.  Now, she does have a pretty face, so she could be hot…. If she made an effort and lost, oh, 140 pounds or so.

Despite all this, she became the first “plus size” model to appear in Vogue, a mainstream fashion magazine.   I don’t know what Vogue was thinking here, they could have signed any other “plus size” model to be “first” for the magazine.  But they chose her.   The fact that a woman that looks like Tess is even a “model” in the first place simply astounds me.   This is another work of the PC-brigade: No one had the guts to tell her that she just doesn’t have the body type to be anywhere near mainstream fashion.

Now recently, someone (in a heated fashion I might add), tried to tell me “Maybe Vogue just wanted to reach out to a section of the public that may not have been interested in reading it before, in this case bigger people!”

Sorry, but in my very limited knowledge of fashion publications, Vogue’s main target audience is classy fashionistas that like to keep in a certain type of shape.  I seriously doubt that they are interested in turning the pages or going through the online articles only to find a fat/obese woman on them.

Sorry, but why should Vogue try to reach out to fat people, sorry, bigger people?  Bigger women have countless other publications they can read, why did Vogue feel they have to get into that market and risk pissing off the main target audience?  I guess it’s all about money aka selling out.

That would be like a rock band who makes pure rock music deciding it’s a good idea to try and reach out to the hip-hop crowd by making hip-hop music.  It may get them a few new listeners, but it’s also going to piss off the target audience they have built over the years.

There is something that she and Michael Sam have in common…. 

People who try to succeed in an industry or activity that’s not for them start lashing out at others when they start to get criticized.

Again, I’ll use the two people I have mentioned for reference:

Michael Sam:

It has been reported that the Rams only drafted Michael Sam because the NFL made a deal with them to avoid being featured on “Hard Knocks” if they do, not because they actually thought he was any good.  As soon as I heard the story, I thought, “It all makes sense now,” but it did not surprise me one bit.  

The issue I have with Michael Sam is that, from what I gather, he basically thinks that anyone who says anything negative about him is a homophobe.  He said on record if he stayed in the closet, he would still be playing today.  Link: Story HERE.  Um, he has that backwards.  The only reason he was drafted in the first place was because he was openly gay and that put pressure on the NFL to make sure he was drafted, hence the deal with the Rams to draft him in exchange for not being forced to appear on an HBO reality show.

It’s sort of the same reason why a lot of people feel that Tim Tebow was drafted by the Broncos in 2010.  He’s super religious, and if he wasn’t drafted people would probably be accusing the NFL of shunning him because he’s a Jesus freak, so I wouldn’t put it past the NFL to put pressure on a team to draft him.

Michael Sam also believes that people critiqued his skill set more than other than other players at the same position and it again has something to do with him being gay.  Um, being gay has nothing to do with it.  It’s 2016, I doubt any team cares at this point.  It’s because he just wasn’t good enough.  Can you imagine if he would have made the 53 man roster and pushed out a more capable player? 

Tess Holliday:

With Tess Holliday, it’s not really her weight that bothers me.  I’m just not attracted to that body type, no doubt.  But what makes her more unattractive in is the downright piss-poor attitude she has.

 

For starters, every time someone says anything about her appearance she screams “fat shaming!”  News flash, lady: people saying that your weight is at an unhealthy level are not fat shaming.  They are simply making a qualified observation and are actually trying to look out for you!

The bigger problem (no pun intended) I have with her is that she is very hypocritical about the message she is trying to convey.   Case in point?  Link: Story HERE. She trashes Victoria’s Secret, claiming their models pose an unrealistic and unhealthy standard of beauty.  She claims she is not glamorizing an unhealthy body type, but one Google search shows she is advocating that it’s acceptable or safe to have the body she has.

Sorry, but I fail to see how looking like a Victoria’s Secret model is somehow “unhealthy” or “unrealistic” yet being grossly overweight and obese is perfectly fine.  That’s why I say she is hypocritical.  

She needs to realize that 99 out of 100 men will prefer a woman that looks like Victoria’s Secret over her any day of the week.  Maybe that’s why she’s trashing them?

Tess Holliday says that she has a lot of haters.  But the “hate” stems from her constant “fat shaming” tirades when someone tries to tell her that her body type is unhealthy and the hypocrisy mentioned above.  Oh, not to mention that she thinks if you’re a black guy you automatically find her hot (Yes, she actually said this).

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Moving on, here are some rebuttals I have encountered….

Rebuttal # 1: Regarding your Michael Sam point, no one in a position of authority is going to tell someone that he/she sucks and they should try something else.

Actually, it would help greatly if they did, maybe not that wording, but similar.  When someone is training to turn a hobby into a living, it’s easy to see if that person has “it,” or does not.  It would help prevent people from wasting their time, other’s time, and possibly money.   

I’ll give the best example: ME.

From elementary school to high school, I loved to draw.   Trains, cars, race cars, machines, you name it.  All freehand, too.  In fact, one of my schools took my drawings and hung them up on one of their hallways as a showcase of my work.  They called it “art and technology” or something like that.

Well, as I started a growing interest in computers during high school, I figured the next step up would be Computer Aided Drafting (CAD).  So after I graduated high school I enrolled in a CAD course at Lincoln Tech’s New Jersey campus.

First off, I was told as part of the sales pitch to enroll that I would spend maybe a month on the paper drawing boards then move to the computer portion.  During orientation, I found out that the first 60% of the course is on the paper drawing boards before you even move onto the computer aided part.  So I was lied to.  But that’s another topic for another day.

No matter how hard I tried, I kept getting poor marks on my test drawings.  I was flunking.  I was too embarrassed to tell my parents.  Finally, my instructor told me I owe it to my parents to tell them, but I questioned as to why I was great throughout school but suck at it now that I’m training to make it a career.  This is what he said to me:

“There are a lot of people who are great when it’s just a hobby, but the skills you have may not properly translate to something that you can turn into a paying career.  I suggest you find something that may fit you better.”

In other words, he was saying I just wasn’t good enough to turn my hobby into a viable career.  It hurt to hear someone say that.  So I figured “I’ll show him.”  On the very next drawing assignment, I turned it in confident that it was going to be great.  He auto-zeroed me.  He told me that one line was too thin in a crucial area.  It was then I realized what he said was harsh, but correct.  I dropped out very shortly after and began my journey into computer certifications, which I was easily able to get.  

Years later I researched how I could turn from “great” to “not good enough,” and I discovered a very simple reason: Doing free-hand drawings of whatever I dreamed up as a hobby, to the prospect of having to draw something predetermined on the orders of a higher-up caused it to lose its luster with me.  Once something loses its luster it’s game over 90% of the time.

But overall, I’m glad the instructor had the guts to tell me I sucked.  It saved me a lot of time, money and trouble.

Rebuttal # 2: Regarding your Tess Holliday point, there is no mainstream agency that would tell a woman that she is too fat to be a model.  Not now not ever.  

Is this person kidding?  Allowing a woman who is almost 300 pounds to be published in a major mainstream fashion magazine would have never happened just a few short years ago.  

It isn’t that we have “evolved.”   We have gotten PC.   We are too afraid of being accused of “fat shaming,” so instead of telling a grossly overweight “model” that the “2XL” publication is down the hall the mainstream publication decides to take her on and then claim she’s a “trailblazer” to save face. In the process causing the target audience who read their magazine to look at her and think, “What the hell is she doing here?  I don’t want to see that!”

Here’s the thing – most modeling agencies don’t just "come right out and say it.”  Most of the time if a model doesn’t have the right body type for the line of work she wants to do, the agency will usually say “We’re sorry but you don’t have the type of image our clients are looking for.”  This is obviously code for “You just don’t have to body type to do this sort of modeling work.”   This happens all the time.  It’s just that now, agencies and publications run the risk of being blasted all over the internet for “fat shaming” if they refuse to take on a big woman as a talent.  And that’s crappy, it’s their business after all, they should be able to turn down anyone they feel is not a good fit!

Rebuttal #3: You really shouldn’t tell people they are not good enough at something.  Let them fail on their own.

I’m an advocate for letting kids fail.  Otherwise, they won’t be able to find their niche and won’t be good at anything.  Too many parents nowadays are afraid to let their kids do any sort of activity or even learn a skill because “if they fail, their self-esteem will be ruined.”  Well short-term self esteem loss is better than a long term problem of having no marketable skills.  But that’s kids.

I’m talking about as a person gets older and wants to do something as a paying career, if a person takes schooling to turn hobby into career and is having difficulty with the training provided and is just not “getting it,” it should most certainly be the responsibility of the professor/instructor to point out that maybe their hobby should stay just that…. A hobby and they should look into another career path.

Of course, there are exceptions.  As Mark Cuban said, sometimes you have to fail – many times – in order to succeed.   Sometimes you do have to fall on your face by yourself.  It’s all about finding your niche.  But sometimes you do have to be told you suck at something in order for that to happen.

Rebuttal #4: Since you think that Tess Holliday doesn’t have the body type to be a model, I don’t think that some of the models you like don't have the body type to be a model either!

I like pinup and glamour models from the UK – you know, the ones that have curves.  Real curves, by the way.  There is a difference between “curvy” and “fat.”  If you’re talking about mainstream fashion, then yeah a lot of glamour models would be told they don’t have a body type suitable for fashion work.  Two completely different markets and audiences.  Fashion modeling usually requires models to be super-thin so the clothes “hang” better.  Glamour modeling is to capture the “allure” of the subject and since nearly 100% of the audience is men, the models usually have hourglass figures with large breasts.  

Glamour models know that in order to get a body for fashion they would have to lose weight and their cup size, so they don’t enter that side of the industry, unless they are smaller “up there” to begin with.

But I have never heard of a busty glamour model try to sign with a fashion agency, get turned down and scream all over the internet that she was “boob shamed.”  It’s because she knows that part of the industry is not for her.  She moves on and no one bats an eye.  It’s called knowing your place and just because you may have attributes good for one section of the industry, doesn’t mean it will translate well into another section.

Rebuttal #5: You do realize that Michael Sam did retire from football after he was cut from the CFL, right?  So he eventually did realize he “wasn’t good enough” on his own.

Yeah, but key word there is “eventually.”  He wasted the Ram’s time, the NFL’s time, the Cowboy’s time (When they signed him to the practice squad and was cut shortly after), the CFL’s time and most importantly his time….

….All because people didn’t have the guts to tell him what they saw during the NFL Combine and his school’s pro day, which are essentially what NFL teams use to judge whether a college player is going to make a good NFL player.   That he just wasn’t good enough.  

It would be a different story if he actually was NFL material, got drafted then “got paid and got lazy,” which is why so many college players who have the proper skills become busts in the NFL.  But again, in the PC world we live in people were too afraid to tell him that he wasn’t good enough to play in the NFL.  

Oh, and please spare me with “They didn’t want to say anything because they were afraid of coming off as anti-gay.”  Like I said before, it’s 2016, I don’t think anyone cares as long as the player is good enough to help the team win or at least get better in a certain area.  

Rebuttal #6: You chastise Vogue for featuring Tess Holliday, but were very happy to see Sports Illustrated put Ashley Graham on the cover of the 2016 Swimsuit issue, who is also “obese” if you were to run her body against the Body Mass Index  (B.M.I).   You are being hypocritical just because you don’t find Tess attractive but you think Ashley Graham is.

Ashley Graham is hardly what you would call “obese,” she’s a size 14-16, has lovely curves in the right places and carries her weight very well relative to her height.  

That wasn’t the first time S.I. put a “plus size” model in the swimsuit issue.  Robyn Lawley, who IMO is just gorgeous, was featured in the previous 2015 version of the issue.  People were outraged that she was called “plus size,” as well they should be. 

Oh, regarding the B.M.I.... I never even bother with that.  Why?  Because it is nothing more than a big load of bovine excrement.  There are 6Ft 6” body builders with maybe 7% body fat that get labeled “obese” once their bodies get run against the B.M.I.    

That is because the B.M.I. does not take into account muscle mass and where the fat is actually located.  For example, let’s say a British glamour model with a flat tummy had measurements of 32(Bust)-24(Hips)-36(Waist) with a GG cup size.  It’s obviously where all the extra fat is.  But if she was made to go on the B.M.I. scale, she would be considered “grossly overweight,” even though she is actually trim with an hourglass figure, just top-heavy.  Because the B.M.I. does not take “boob weight” into account. 

Oh, as I went to press with this blog, I saw this.  If Ashley Graham was “obese,” Maxim would not be putting her in the April 2016 issue and on the cover: Click HERE to see it.

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Now for the two main questions I’m sure everyone will want to ask me….

1. If you were in the NFL, you would crush a young man’s dreams and tell him he isn’t good enough?

There is a difference between “dreams” and “reality.”  To answer your question, if I saw he was wasting his time and a potential NFL team’s time because he’s dreaming of playing professionally but he wasn’t good enough for what the NFL is looking for, then hell yeah I’ll tell him.

2. You would seriously tell a bigger woman that she is too fat to be a fashion model in today’s climate?

It depends on what you call “bigger.”  Bigger like Ashley Graham or Robyn Lawley?  I’m sure there will be a “curves” division where they might be pretty popular in, especially with men.  If she looks like Tess Holliday?  Sorry, you have the wrong agency Miss.  2XL fashion is down the street!

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Bonus!

Here are two dumb things I heard/read, starting with a stupid question someone said to me recently, and a common thing found in the comments section of any Tess Holliday article:

“I don’t think you are good looking enough to date the women you like so start dating fat women.”

Um, did I mention dating anywhere on this blog?  Want to know why this is a stupid question?  I have seen guys that make me look like a Calvin Klein model going out with good-looking babes all the time. 

This blog is about having the guts to tell people they don’t have whatever attributes a paying profession is looking for.  NOT DATING.   There is someone out there for everyone, and a man does not have to look like Tom Brady or Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson to find a match.

“You’re just a hater!  Tess Holliday has curves and is finally showing what a real woman looks like!”

 

These comments are made by women 100% of the time and you can probably guess what they look like.  First, what exactly is a “real woman?”  Are you saying that Victoria’s Secret models and popular UK glamour models are finely tuned robots and not humans?

Second, let’s tackle the word “curves.”   Katy Perry has curves.  Kat Dennings has curves.  Sofia Vergara has curves.  The aforementioned Robyn Lawley has curves.  Tess Holliday does not have curves.  She’s just really, really FAT!  Sorry to burst your bubble and interrupt your Twinkie eating session, ladies.

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 Conclusion….

I’ve pretty much said enough.  Until we have the guts to say….

“This is not for you” 

“You are just not good enough” 

 “You do not have the right attributes”

…..Like my Lincoln Tech instructor did, then you will continue to see people going into professions that they either fizzle out in wasting everyone’s time and money, look ridiculous and get made fun of when they are clearly out of their element, and blasts anyone who tries to tell them what other people should have told them.  That is all.

When you’re not viewed as “properly hunky” or having the “correct appearance” this happens….

Take a look at this article showing results of a certain study: 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3100495/The-Don-Draper-effect-good-looking-men-away-bad-behaviour.html

Now, I’m sure anyone reading this will think, “Well, DUH!”  

But I think the study also misses out on something that I have found out firsthand myself – that the more “properly hunky” you are, or more “correct” your appearance is, the more likely people are to be either more accepting of what you say and/or the opinions you have, or be less flippant when you say something.

I’ve also noticed that when you don’t have the greatest luck in the dating game, if you’re not viewed as “properly hunky” or don’t have what people perceive as a “correct appearance” people will take a preference you have and automatically assume and very vocally say that you should throw it away, or say that something you have no control over is what is stopping you from finding someone.  

Or, they’ll find some way to say that an opinion or preference that has nothing to do with the opposite sex or dating in any way is not valid and is the reason why you have not found someone…. All because your appearance is not “correct” or because you’re not viewed as “properly hunky.”  

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Here is what I am talking about….

1. I don’t want to eat certain foods.  I don’t even want to try them.  Somehow, other people say that might turn some women off….

I consider myself a foodie.  I love to eat and yes, try new things.  However, I draw that line at what other countries consider “delicacies.”   Snails, frog legs, live octopus (even dead) and the like are just some of the things I won’t go near.   It’s a preference, and if someone doesn’t like it they can pound sand!

What I have been told:

“Sam, you know, you can’t call yourself a foodie and then turn around and say you won’t even try something, and don’t ever say any of this to a woman because she might think that you’re an unsophisticated dolt and write you off.”

My take on that:

I seriously doubt that a woman would “write me off” simply because I don’t want to eat snails or frog legs.  If she does than she has serious issues.  But what gets me is that other guys that say the exact same thing and for some reason, they get little to no push-back and no “unsophisticated dolt” speeches on how women might write them off and yada yada yada. 

The best example I can give off the top of my head is a professional gamer who goes by the Youtube name “Faze Censor.”  He’s even worse than me – he can’t eat cheeseburgers, for example.   Yet he managed to somehow fly to another country to meet a hot weather girl and they are now dating.  Sure he gets a little bit of people ribbing him, but nowhere near the shit have I got.  

This leads me to believe that if my appearance was perceived to be more “correct” or “properly hunky,” I would not be getting the same stupid rebuttals by people when I tell them my food preferences.

2. My taste is music is geared towards the classic stuff and new stuff that’s not meant for the masses.   Yet some people have told me….

Let me just say it.  Most modern music sucks.  Well, at least the stuff meant for the masses.  I could write a whole blog about it, but for now I’ll stick to the plan for this one.

I love classic rock, blues, some metal, and instrumental rock.  I do like some modern artists but the ones I like seem to draw a more “limited audience,” which is code for “smaller but older and more discriminating crowd.”  

Whenever I try to explain why I dislike most modern music, while some people agree with me, some actually offer rebuttals, like this one:

“You’re allowed to like what you like but constantly trashing music that’s new and trendy from the talent to the sound quality down to their fanbases just makes you come off as weird and stuck in the past.  If I can see it, so can a young woman you may be trying to court and that might turn her off.”

To the dumbass who said this: Yeah, I’m “weird” because I don’t like the latest flavor of the month pop starlet or whatever is out there.  To be honest if a woman refused to see me again because I would rather listen to Led Zeppelin over Arianna Grande, she is the weird one not me!

Yet just like the food, I have noticed that other guys can make the same remarks as me, yet they get a free pass.  Why is that?  It can’t be because they offered a more intelligent argument, as many times the same things I say can often be found in articles written by people in the damn music industry.

This leads me to believe that if my appearance was perceived to be more “correct” or “properly hunky,” I would not be getting the same stupid rebuttals by people when I tell them my music preferences.

3. When it comes to cars, like my music I mostly like the classics.  Yet to some people that might turn the ladies off…. (Wait for what was said to me!)

I love cars.  While there are a few new cars that I like (Challenger Hellcat, CTS-V, Corvette Z06, etc), I mostly like the classic cars, especially the classic muscle cars.  I love my American cars, with few exceptions.

Some people seem to think I dislike Imports.  Let’s get one thing out of the way: I DON’T.  I think any car enthusiast would give props to someone who can make big power out of a small-displacement engine and make it run reliably without blowing up.  It’s those damn ricers I can’t stand (And neither can the legit import tuners).  That doesn’t mean I would personally own one, keep that in mind.

I have always said that if I had the resources, I would much rather spend money on resto-modding a 1970 Chevelle SS (With proper size wheels not those goofy 20’s) than trying to tune a Evo or STI.

This leads to what someone actually said to me (I’m not kidding):

“I like classic muscle cars too, but let’s face it, if you go to a young woman’s house in an Evo or STI she’s going to like that you’re into something that is newer and trendy, and has the latest technology.  If you show up in that Chevelle she’s going to think you borrowed your dad’s car, and once you tell her it’s yours she’ll think you’re stuck in the past, and to some women – young women especially, guys who they perceive as stuck in the past may not have the vision to move forward.”

Yep, someone actually said that to me.  Which is as dumb as fuck.  There, I said it.  I know plenty of women – young women, as he said, that love classic muscle cars and would much rather have one in their garage than an import.  So what does he say about them?  Are they “stuck in the past,” or do they get a free pass because they’re female?   Good question to ask this guy, if I can.

I have seen other guys have the same taste in cars as me, yet nothing happens to them and nothing negative gets hurled at them.  

This leads me to believe that if my appearance was perceived to be more “correct” or “properly hunky,” I would not be getting the same stupid rebuttals by people when I tell them my choice in cars.

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Those three referenced points above are just three non-dating things that I have had push-back and rebuttals on.  Now for some things that directly come from my experience in the dating game, here are some things that people have said or tried to point out to me over time….

1. My appearance:

I have heard it a bunch of times.  Things like this:

 “You’re average at best.”  

“Your facial structure is simply not attractive to the women you’re going after.”

“You’re not that handsome so why are you trying like you are?”

“You’re not going to get much more than a 5 if you’re sitting at a 3 yourself.” 

“You scream ‘average looking person with a total lack of sex appeal’.”

“In football terms you’re like a QB who’s trying to throw hail mary’s when you know you don’t have the arm for them.”

And really someone who said pretty much the title of this blog:

“You’re not a bad guy but let’s face it your appearance is not correct to the type of women you want to get with.”

I could say the others, but they only get worse from there.

The honest truth?  It’s all bullshit.  I have seen countless women with guys who aren’t exactly the pinnacle of male evolution.  If I am that bad, why did those men get the women that they are with? 

I am going to show a picture of what I am talking about.  This is one of those HGTV shows that a family member likes to watch:

See that?  His wife is not exactly a model, but she’s definitely not bad looking at all.  But he makes me look like a Calvin Klein model.  If he was able to get a woman – and marry her – than that means that I have as good a chance as anybody.

2. My voice.

It used to be that my voice would, as some people said, indicate intelligence.  Now it means something different.  Now before I go any further, there is a point that I am going to make that may make some people upset with me.  That is not my intention at all to be disrespectful to any person or group so I apologize in advance.

Anyway, this all started when I made a dating vlog on youtube and it somehow got shared on Reddit. 

One of the commenters stated, “Even if he gets a woman to notice him it’s all over once she hears that awful voice of his.”

Another person commented, “Yeah his voice indicates that he did not get enough testosterone during puberty.”

Since then, these are some of the comments on my voice:

“Your voice gives off an instant notification to women that you will not be a good protector and provider.”

“Your voice screams ‘dork with low T’.”

“Think of the animal kingdom, would a lion be able to attract a lioness if his roar sounded like a meow from a kitten?”

“You’re a grown man that sounds like he’s 12.  Maybe that’s why girls are not interested in you.”

Now, there is one thing I have to say to any dumbass that makes these comments on my voice: My voice is something I cannot control, I have it and that’s all there is to it!

But, there is a reason why I can’t stand it when people say that my voice could be a reason why I have bad luck in the dating game….

I have met guys in person and saw guys like this on TV (And I’m sure other people have) who have such high pitched squeaky voices that it clearly indicates “flaming homosexual.”  Then in a “what the fuck just happened?” moment, they’re introducing you to their wives or girlfriends.

So tell me something…. Those men seem to have no issues getting a woman, despite having a voice that makes you think at first that they’re playing for the other team.  So why is my voice suddenly considered a repellant?

This leads me to believe that if my appearance was perceived to be more “correct” or “properly hunky,” people would seem to have no issues with my voice whatsoever.  

3. My fashion choices.

I am a t-shirt and cargo shorts guy.  Or t-shirt and jeans guy.  I also like wearing jean shorts, despite being told they’re only acceptable at a NASCAR race.   I’m not a fucking “wear a three piece suit to Publix” kind of guy.  I’m a car guy and a huge NHRA drag racing fan, so those are my favorite t-shirts to wear.  Yet for some reason, people like to pick on me for this.  This is what I am talking about:

“You don’t need to dress in a suit and tie everywhere but you need to dress to impress no matter where you are, whether it’s going to the supermarket, picking up wings from the local wing place, or closing a deal at a business.  Only having one outfit ensemble which consists of a car shirt and cargo shorts shows you are either not trying hard enough or just don’t care.”

“Jeans shorts are the quickest way for a woman’s interest in you to go right out the window.  If that is what you want, be my guest.”

Okay, someone needs to define “dress to impress,” because it can mean many different things to different people.  Not that it’s anyone’s business, but I have an abundance of car and racing t-shirts from my years of going to the track and ordering a shirt I like via the internet.  So why shouldn’t I use them?  Secondly, I never saw what is wrong with jean shorts.  Can someone offer a logical answer as to why a woman would “write off” a man wearing them?  I’ll be waiting patiently….

Also, there was one time someone saw my pics of me at the track on facebook and proceeded to tell me, “It appears as if you wear your shirts one size too big.  Some won’t care, but some people especially girls you’re trying to court might think it looks silly.”

Not that it’s anyone’s business, but the reason why I like to wear my shirts baggier is for 2 reasons: 1) I tried tighter shirts, it feels like my movements are being constricted and 2) Tighter shirts would like stupid with my current physique.

Yet somehow, other guys have the same mentality as me when it comes to fashion –no need to dress to the 9’s everywhere you go, there is nothing wrong with jean shorts or cargo shorts, and there is nothing wrong with wearing baggier shirts - all while avoiding the criticism and picking on that I get.

This leads me to believe that if my appearance was perceived to be more “correct” or “properly hunky,” people would seem to have no issues with my fashion choices at all. 

4. My body type preferences.

This next segment is pretty much the topic that gets the most push-back and rebuttals of anything I can possibly discuss in the world of dating and the opposite sex.

Every guy has a certain “type,” and I am no exception.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I have a wide range of what I think is attractive, but the one big deal breaker is if she is excessively overweight.  Now a few extra pounds if fine, I’m talking if she looks like Momma June from “Here comes Honey Booboo.”  I just have zero attraction to that body type, no matter what she may have to offer besides that.  Just…. No. 

A while back, someone asked me a “this or that” type of question.  Which was….

“Let’s say there were two women who actually wanted to go out with you.  One is a very pretty young woman who has your ideal body type but she has no degree and works as a sales clerk at a travel agency.  The other woman is significantly overweight – as in Momma June overweight - but has a masters, is in upper management at an office and makes over 200 thousand dollars a year.  Who would you choose?”

So I answered this guy honestly…. I told him I would pick the woman working at a travel agency, no question.  Que the push-back….

“The difference between the two is that the hot girl would still have you living a paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle where one illness or injury might lead to financial ruin.  The big girl would give you a good life where you don’t really have to worry about finances.  But I guess it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t have the body of one of those European glamour models you like, right?”

You know what I told him?  Money doesn’t matter to me, I’m not a damn gold digger where I am going to force myself to go out with someone I don’t like just because of their bank account.  Simple as that.

This is what he said to me:

“So women do it all the time, why shouldn’t you be different?”

I am going to let you readers know right now that this is what you call an “acceptable double standard.”  Women are simply better at looking past initial appearance than men are.  They just are.  It’s how they are wired.  That is why you see women with men like the person I showed in a screen grab earlier.   On the other hand, once a man has it wired into his brain that something is a dealbreaker, all bets are off even if a woman is making bank.  He would rather stay single!

This is what this guy then said:

“No they are not.  You are just shallow, and the ironic thing is that you would turn away a woman that might be good for you simply because she is a litter big when you’re not exactly the pinnacle of male evolution yourself.”

Yeah, “shallow” for having a preference and for pretty much answering a question that he asked plus a dig at me for good measure.  Here is my problem with this: other guys can have same or similar preferences and they don’t get push-back and rebuttals like I do and insults are not hurled at them.

This leads me to believe that if my appearance was perceived to be more “correct” or “properly hunky,” people would seem to have no issues with my body type preferences at all.   

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I stated some facts about myself, and I got compared to a murderous maniac….

I told someone this one day.  Keep in mind that I was not lying in any of this….

I said, “I obviously wouldn’t say this to a women right away nor would I put it on a dating profile, but I have never been in trouble with the law; not even so much as a traffic ticket, thanks to me being responsible with my bills etc all three of my credit scores are in the 800’s, I would never cheat on a woman, I am known as a joke repository that can tell a joke at anytime and I always like to do research on things so I know not to give people bank stares when they talk about certain subjects.”

This is what she said to me:

“So you know how to recite jokes out of playboy magazine and look up useless trivia?  Big deal!  The rest?  So you have never done anything to get your ass thrown in jail, you have the common sense to pay your bills on time and you would have the decency to not cheat on your partner.  Congrats on doing what society expects a decent man to do.  It does not mean any of that ‘entitles’ you to a woman and to be honest makes you sound like Elliot Rodger.”

Okay…. I would like anyone to check to see if anything I mentioned “entitles me to a woman.”  Go ahead, try it.  The difference between me and Elliot Rodger is that I don’t expect women to come to me just because I have those attributes like the stuff he bragged about.  You still need to go up to them and talk to them!  As I said, I would never put that stuff in a dating profile or say any of those things to a woman right off the bat nor would I expect a woman to flock to me just because I have any of those attributes.  It’s common sense.

This leads me to believe that if my appearance was perceived to be more “correct” or “properly hunky,” people would seem to have no issues with me stating some attributes about myself and they certainly wouldn’t be comparing me to someone who killed a bunch of people!

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….And now for the better, more logical rebuttals to all of this.

I have gotten rebuttals that are not insults to what I have said about this topic over the years, and I am going to share them with you as it’s always good to present a logical argument to what I’m saying that doesn’t aim to bash me.

Like the music thing:

“No woman is going to ‘write you off’ for liking classic rock or whatever.   What people – including other women – do have a problem with is when you talk about what is supposedly wrong with the modern music industry in such great detail as if you’re in the music industry when you have never held a position in the music industry in any capacity.  That is why professional music journalists and reviewers can say the exact same things as you but do not get any push-back or remarks hurled their way.”

So, I asked them person how I should express my opinions.  This is what he said:

“Take the sound quality thing you always complain about.  You can say something like, ‘I noticed that modern albums seem to play louder than older stuff but the sound quality is not as good when played on a high-end system, I did some research and it’s because record labels are mastering the records so they play louder on lower-end equipment that the majority of music listeners are using.  I wish they would consider the people who like to listen to music on higher-end systems and master the records accordingly so they sound good when played on all systems.’  See?  It sounds like a qualified observation from someone who is an outsider.  The way you currently say it is the reason why people often dismiss you.”

His point is valid, but is basically saying something that I can’t stand: to formulate your words as to be as PC as possible as to not insult anyone, in this case namely the teenyboppers who like to listen to music through crappy smartphone earbuds.   Sadly, as they make up the majority of music buyers nowadays record labels know that these twerps will complain if they have to jack the volume all the way up on their phones when they listen to music so they have the producers up the “gain” of the music tracks during mastering so that it will play louder on those low-end systems.  However, on a high-end system that is designed to bring out the nuances of music that low-end systems often miss, the resulting product sounds like crap that is full of distortion and artifacts.  Even non-mass market artists like Joe Bonamassa are doing it, which is really shitty as his stuff is more likely to be played on a high end system than a mass market pop star.  It’s called “the loudness war” and you can look it up.

See the difference?  The other person’s suggested opinion is PC hogwash that is designed to not single out a person or group, while my explanation tells it like it is and isn’t afraid to mince words.

Someone said this about the car issue:

“I seriously doubt that any woman is going to write you off because you like muscle cars over import tuners.  As you even said, plenty of women like them too.  But you tend to make comments like, ‘Only a few import owners do things right, many times the rest are just rap blasting backwards cap wearing punks who think that by putting a fart can and huge wing on the back of their Civic DX they all of a sudden have a hot rod.’  News flash Sam, people don’t like it when you generalize.  Secondly, even domestic muscle car fans are starting to view calling an axle-back exhaust a ‘fart can’ as a bit immature.  You might want to take note of that.”

This person may think I’m “generalizing,” I’m simply not afraid to state an observation that I made.  Also, they are called “fart cans” for a reason, because without other types of engine mods (no, stickers don’t count!) those damn axle-backs on 4-cylinder cars sound just like they’re farting!  How hard is that to understand?

Then another person pointed out my voice:

“You say you can’t change your voice, well, yes you can.  If you do research there are voice deepening surgeries you can have performed that will ‘fix’ the issues that people are saying about your vocals.

Okay, I did research on this when this person said this to me.  If they botch the surgery there is a chance that they’ll have to remove your voice box and you’ll be left with no voice AT ALL!  So I would rather just keep what I’ll have, thank you very much.

This was said to me about my appearance and my body type preference put together.

This next person tried to explain the reason people have issues with my body type preferences:

“I’m going to say why that person got flippant on you when you answered his ‘this or that’ question on the hot girl Vs the big girl the way you did.  I remember, some time back you said that you asked a cute girl out who works at a place you shop at and she told you she had a boyfriend.  You didn’t think she was lying about it as you saw her walking out of the store with some guy and they were holding hands.”

Now, I will mention that this dude looked like the typical dumb jock type, I mean he couldn’t have been very bright as he was wearing a scarf…. In the middle of summer!  (This is in south Florida, by the way).  Plus he was full of tattoos and had a “look” that signaled he might get in someone’s face if they just glanced at his girlfriend.  Guess I was missing something she was looking for that he filled. :/

Anyway, continuing on with what this person was saying….

“Look, you don’t know why she is with him.  Maybe he’s wearing that scarf because he finds it fashionable and doesn’t care if people think it’s silly?  Maybe that woman just likes a man with tattoos.  Maybe that he is not that intelligent but he sexually satisfies her in ways that she never had before.  Maybe his family is loaded.  Maybe he’s actually a smart guy who just looks dumb jock on the outside but has all the makings of a successful individual on the inside.  Maybe he was the only one to approach her after all the other guys just chickened out?”

Okay, I’ll give this person that.  But then this is when he circled back to his original point….

“I get you have preferences, everyone does.  BUT…. People see someone – you - who constantly complains that women are turning you down even though you have all these ‘qualities’ then the next minute you would basically do the same thing to someone who doesn’t meet your ‘standards’ of what you are looking for even if they have some other excellent attributes.  It’s not about you being ‘properly hunky’ or having an ‘incorrect appearance’ or whatever.  It’s because you are being hypocritical, once people see that they call you out accordingly.”

Gee, you have opened my eyes!  I guess I’m just a hypocrite for not wanting to settle for someone who I would have zero attraction to, for what gain?

I have always said that forcing oneself to go out with someone they are not attracted to is not healthy, for either party.  For one thing, you are depriving him/her of being with someone that is attracted to them.  Secondly, forcing yourself to go out with someone who you have zero attraction to means you have officially given up trying.  When your partner realizes that (or possibly hears it from someone) it’s not a very good thing.  Simply put, I’m just not into fat chicks.  How hard is that to understand? 

About the food thing….

Someone said this to me a long time ago as to why he thought I get shit about my food preferences:

“No one is going to criticize your food preferences; you are allowed to like what you like.  However, you add extra commentary like ‘The French are fucking weird, they’ll treat you like crap in one of their restaurants for asking for any sort of sauce but they think it’s somehow fancy to eat frog legs or snails.’  Sam, have you ever been to France or even stepped foot in a French restaurant?  No?  That is the reason why people tell you that a woman might right you off as being an ‘unsophisticated dolt,’ not because you like or don’t like something but because you have to insult other cultures in the process.”

My simple take on what he said:

Sorry, but if any country thinks it’s “fancy” to eat snails but the chefs and waitstaff at one of their restaurants treat you like an evil alien for asking for ketchup or any other sauce, then yes they are “fucking weird.”  That is all….

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Some additional things….

Now I know a lot of people are going to say, "Sam people are giving you push-back on your opinions and preferences because it sounds like…."

1. "….You’re singling out and blaming an entire group of people for something negative trend in an industry, in this case music."

Sorry, but the music industry doing things to cater to the largest demographic of music buyers – young people who think that Beats by Dr Dre is a good product – is the reason why the sound quality is so bad on new recordings when you play them on anything higher end than a low-end mini system bought at Wal-Mart.  So yes, I’ll single them out.

2. ….You’re generalizing a whole group of people who drive Imports.  

 

Sorry, but if I made the observation that nearly all drivers of riced-out Civics and other imports tend to drive around wearing their caps backwards and/or blasting hip-hop, then it’s not a “generalization.”  This does not apply to the legit import tuners, who are mostly cool people who know how to do things right with their cars.

3. ….You’re insulting other people’s cultures when you explain your food preferences.

This deserves a copy and paste.   Sorry, but if any country thinks it’s “fancy” to eat snails but the chefs and waitstaff at one of their restaurants treat you like an evil alien for asking for ketchup or any other sauce, then yes they are “fucking weird.”  That is all…

Look, I call things as I see them and I refuse to be PC.  Sometimes, in order to get your point across you have to do one thing…..

Line ‘em up and swing the proverbial golf tee.  If people don’t like it, tough shit! 

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Bonus:  Can’t blame a guy for saying he would put himself out there, oh wait I guess you can….

I once said to a person in jest that if I was to be win the Powerball or Mega Millions and go on a TV news station for an interview, I would name drop an actress or model I know is single, say I am smitten and offer right then and there to take her out on a date.  There is a high chance of her accepting the offer because let’s face it, the more money you have the more attractive you instantly become in the eyes of a female (I didn’t say that by the way, a well known dating / relationship consultant did.  I’m just repeating it).  

I mean, look at Mariah Carey’s new fiancé.  He looks like someone beat him over the head with a stick but he’s getting married to freakin’ Mariah Carey!  (I didn’t say this part to the person, just pointing that out for reference).

To which this person replied….

“So you’re seriously saying that if you got lucky in a lottery all you had to do was name drop a celebrity on national TV and she’ll automatically go out with you?  That is so delusional first of all and secondly she would most likely turn you down because most famous people like actresses and models prefer guys who earned the money they have rather than some nobody who won theirs in a game of chance.  That is also a reason why most high-end matchmaking services refuses to help lottery winners.”

Yes, it’s true that many high-end matchmakers won’t take on lottery winners as clients (I think the “Millionaire Matchmaker” says they’re not “real millionaires,” whatever that means).  But calling me delusional?  Seriously?   I am willing to bet my lunch money that the person who called me that would do the same thing if he was in my shoes.   For the record, the reason I said it in jest is that if I was lucky enough to win a huge lottery prize, I would form a trust and claim it through that so my name isn’t out there, and I would decline to give all interviews, so it’s a moot point anyway.  

Which leads to believe one thing: When this person called me “delusional,” what he was really saying was “you’re not properly hunky enough or have the correct appearance to make that kind of statement.”  Which is dumb, because again look at Mariah Carey’s fiancé….

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In conclusion….

I am not saying that people should automatically agree with everything I say, do, like, dislike or have preferences towards.  But there is a difference between not agreeing with something and giving me push-back or insults just because you are not on the same page as me.  

I seriously think that in order to stop the push-back and insults, I have to start going to the gym and getting “ripped.”  I can tell you that finely tuned muscles are not high on my priority list.  Using my brain to collect information so I can talk to someone without giving them a blank stare is high on my priority list.  So is having my own thoughts, opinions, observations, and convictions.  If you don’t think so, that is 100 percent on you, not me.

End of.