Take a look at this article showing results of a certain
study:
Now, I’m sure anyone reading this will think, “Well,
DUH!”
But I think the study also misses out on something that I
have found out firsthand myself – that the more “properly hunky” you are, or
more “correct” your appearance is, the more likely people are to be either more
accepting of what you say and/or the opinions you have, or be less flippant
when you say something.
I’ve also noticed that when you don’t have the greatest luck
in the dating game, if you’re not viewed as “properly hunky” or don’t have what
people perceive as a “correct appearance” people will take a preference you
have and automatically assume and very vocally say that you should throw it
away, or say that something you have no control over is what is stopping you
from finding someone.
Or, they’ll find some way to say that an opinion or
preference that has nothing to do with
the opposite sex or dating in any way is not valid and is the reason why you
have not found someone…. All because your appearance is not “correct” or
because you’re not viewed as “properly hunky.”
---
Here is what I am talking about….
1. I don’t want to
eat certain foods. I don’t even want to
try them. Somehow, other people say that
might turn some women off….
I consider myself a foodie.
I love to eat and yes, try new things.
However, I draw that line at what other countries consider
“delicacies.” Snails, frog legs, live octopus (even dead)
and the like are just some of the things I won’t go near. It’s a
preference, and if someone doesn’t like it they can pound sand!
What I have been told:
“Sam, you know, you
can’t call yourself a foodie and then turn around and say you won’t even try
something, and don’t ever say any of this to a woman because she might think
that you’re an unsophisticated dolt and write you off.”
My take on that:
I seriously doubt that a woman would “write me off” simply
because I don’t want to eat snails or frog legs. If she does than she has serious
issues. But what gets me is that other
guys that say the exact same thing
and for some reason, they get little to no push-back and no “unsophisticated
dolt” speeches on how women might write them off and yada yada yada.
The best example I can give off the top of my head is a
professional gamer who goes by the Youtube name “Faze Censor.” He’s even worse than me – he can’t eat
cheeseburgers, for example. Yet he
managed to somehow fly to another country to meet a hot weather girl and they
are now dating. Sure he gets a little
bit of people ribbing him, but nowhere near the shit have I got.
This leads me to believe that if my appearance was perceived
to be more “correct” or “properly hunky,” I would not be getting the same
stupid rebuttals by people when I tell them my food preferences.
2. My taste is music
is geared towards the classic stuff and new stuff that’s not meant for the
masses. Yet some people have told me….
Let me just say it.
Most modern music sucks. Well, at
least the stuff meant for the masses. I
could write a whole blog about it, but for now I’ll stick to the plan for this
one.
I love classic rock, blues, some metal, and instrumental
rock. I do like some modern artists but
the ones I like seem to draw a more “limited audience,” which is code for “smaller
but older and more discriminating crowd.”
Whenever I try to explain why I dislike most modern music,
while some people agree with me, some actually offer rebuttals, like this one:
“You’re allowed to
like what you like but constantly trashing music that’s new and trendy from the
talent to the sound quality down to their fanbases just makes you come off as
weird and stuck in the past. If I can
see it, so can a young woman you may be trying to court and that might turn her
off.”
To the dumbass who said this: Yeah, I’m “weird” because I
don’t like the latest flavor of the month pop starlet or whatever is out
there. To be honest if a woman refused
to see me again because I would rather listen to Led Zeppelin over Arianna
Grande, she is the weird one not me!
Yet just like the food, I have noticed that other guys can
make the same remarks as me, yet they get a free pass. Why is that?
It can’t be because they offered a more intelligent argument, as many
times the same things I say can often be found in articles written by people in
the damn music industry.
This leads me to believe that if my appearance was perceived
to be more “correct” or “properly hunky,” I would not be getting the same
stupid rebuttals by people when I tell them my music preferences.
3. When it comes to
cars, like my music I mostly like the classics.
Yet to some people that might turn the ladies off…. (Wait for what was
said to me!)
I love cars. While
there are a few new cars that I like (Challenger Hellcat, CTS-V, Corvette Z06,
etc), I mostly like the classic cars, especially the classic muscle cars. I love my American cars, with few exceptions.
Some people seem to think I dislike Imports. Let’s get one thing out of the way: I
DON’T. I think any car enthusiast would
give props to someone who can make big power out of a small-displacement engine
and make it run reliably without blowing up.
It’s those damn ricers I can’t stand (And neither can the legit import
tuners). That doesn’t mean I would
personally own one, keep that in mind.
I have always said that if I had the resources, I would much
rather spend money on resto-modding a 1970 Chevelle SS (With proper size wheels
not those goofy 20’s) than trying to tune a Evo or STI.
This leads to what someone actually said to me (I’m not
kidding):
“I like classic muscle
cars too, but let’s face it, if you go to a young woman’s house in an Evo or
STI she’s going to like that you’re into something that is newer and trendy,
and has the latest technology. If you
show up in that Chevelle she’s going to think you borrowed your dad’s car, and
once you tell her it’s yours she’ll think you’re stuck in the past, and to some
women – young women especially, guys who they perceive as stuck in the past may
not have the vision to move forward.”
Yep, someone actually said that to me. Which is as dumb as fuck. There, I said it. I know plenty of women – young women, as he
said, that love classic muscle cars and would much rather have one in their
garage than an import. So what does he
say about them? Are they “stuck in the
past,” or do they get a free pass because they’re female? Good question to ask this guy, if I can.
I have seen other guys have the same taste in cars as me,
yet nothing happens to them and nothing negative gets hurled at them.
This leads me to believe that if my appearance was perceived
to be more “correct” or “properly hunky,” I would not be getting the same
stupid rebuttals by people when I tell them my choice in cars.
---
Those three referenced points above are just three non-dating
things that I have had push-back and rebuttals on. Now for some things that directly come from
my experience in the dating game, here are some things that people have said or
tried to point out to me over time….
1. My appearance:
I have heard it a bunch of times. Things like this:
“You’re average at best.”
“Your facial structure
is simply not attractive to the women you’re going after.”
“You’re not that
handsome so why are you trying like you are?”
“You’re not going to
get much more than a 5 if you’re sitting at a 3 yourself.”
“You scream ‘average
looking person with a total lack of sex appeal’.”
“In football terms
you’re like a QB who’s trying to throw hail mary’s when you know you don’t have
the arm for them.”
And really someone who said pretty much the title of this
blog:
“You’re not a bad guy
but let’s face it your appearance is not correct to the type of women you want
to get with.”
I could say the others, but they only get worse from there.
The honest truth?
It’s all bullshit. I have seen
countless women with guys who aren’t exactly the pinnacle of male
evolution. If I am that bad, why did
those men get the women that they are with?
I am going to show a picture of what I am talking
about. This is one of those HGTV shows
that a family member likes to watch:
See that? His wife is
not exactly a model, but she’s definitely not bad looking at all. But he makes me look like a Calvin Klein model.
If he was able to get a woman – and marry her – than that means that I
have as good a chance as anybody.
2. My voice.
It used to be that my voice would, as some people said,
indicate intelligence. Now it means
something different. Now before I go any
further, there is a point that I am going to make that may make some people
upset with me. That is not my intention
at all to be disrespectful to any person or group so I apologize in advance.
Anyway, this all started when I made a dating vlog on
youtube and it somehow got shared on Reddit.
One of the commenters stated, “Even if he gets a woman to notice him it’s
all over once she hears that awful voice of his.”
Another person commented,
“Yeah his voice indicates that he did not get enough testosterone during
puberty.”
Since then, these are some of the comments on my voice:
“Your voice gives off
an instant notification to women that you will not be a good protector and
provider.”
“Your voice screams
‘dork with low T’.”
“Think of the animal
kingdom, would a lion be able to attract a lioness if his roar sounded like a
meow from a kitten?”
“You’re a grown man
that sounds like he’s 12. Maybe that’s
why girls are not interested in you.”
Now, there is one thing I have to say to any dumbass that
makes these comments on my voice: My voice is something I cannot control, I
have it and that’s all there is to it!
But, there is a reason why I can’t stand it when people say
that my voice could be a reason why I have bad luck in the dating game….
I have met guys in person and saw guys like this on TV (And
I’m sure other people have) who have such high pitched squeaky voices that it
clearly indicates “flaming homosexual.”
Then in a “what the fuck just happened?” moment, they’re introducing you
to their wives or girlfriends.
So tell me something…. Those men seem to have no issues
getting a woman, despite having a voice that makes you think at first that
they’re playing for the other team. So
why is my voice suddenly considered a repellant?
This leads me to believe that if my appearance was perceived
to be more “correct” or “properly hunky,” people would seem to have no issues
with my voice whatsoever.
3. My fashion
choices.
I am a t-shirt and cargo shorts guy. Or t-shirt and jeans guy. I also like wearing jean shorts, despite
being told they’re only acceptable at a NASCAR race. I’m not a fucking “wear a three piece suit
to Publix” kind of guy. I’m a car guy
and a huge NHRA drag racing fan, so those are my favorite t-shirts to wear. Yet for some reason, people like to pick on me
for this. This is what I am talking
about:
“You don’t need to
dress in a suit and tie everywhere but you need to dress to impress no matter
where you are, whether it’s going to the supermarket, picking up wings from the
local wing place, or closing a deal at a business. Only having one outfit ensemble which
consists of a car shirt and cargo shorts shows you are either not trying hard
enough or just don’t care.”
“Jeans shorts are the
quickest way for a woman’s interest in you to go right out the window. If that is what you want, be my guest.”
Okay, someone needs to define “dress to impress,” because it
can mean many different things to different people. Not that it’s anyone’s business, but I have
an abundance of car and racing t-shirts from my years of going to the track and
ordering a shirt I like via the internet.
So why shouldn’t I use them?
Secondly, I never saw what is wrong with jean shorts. Can someone offer a logical answer as to why
a woman would “write off” a man wearing them?
I’ll be waiting patiently….
Also, there was one time someone saw my pics of me at the
track on facebook and proceeded to tell me, “It
appears as if you wear your shirts one size too big. Some won’t care, but some people especially
girls you’re trying to court might think it looks silly.”
Not that it’s anyone’s business, but the reason why I like
to wear my shirts baggier is for 2 reasons: 1) I tried tighter shirts, it feels
like my movements are being constricted and 2) Tighter shirts would like stupid
with my current physique.
Yet somehow, other guys have the same mentality as me when
it comes to fashion –no need to dress to the 9’s everywhere you go, there is
nothing wrong with jean shorts or cargo shorts, and there is nothing wrong with
wearing baggier shirts - all while avoiding the criticism and picking on that I
get.
This leads me to believe that if my appearance was perceived
to be more “correct” or “properly hunky,” people would seem to have no issues
with my fashion choices at all.
4. My body type
preferences.
This next segment is pretty much the topic that gets the
most push-back and rebuttals of anything I can possibly discuss in the world of
dating and the opposite sex.
Every guy has a certain “type,” and I am no exception. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I
have a wide range of what I think is attractive, but the one big deal breaker
is if she is excessively overweight. Now
a few extra pounds if fine, I’m talking if she looks like Momma June from “Here
comes Honey Booboo.” I just have zero
attraction to that body type, no matter what she may have to offer besides
that. Just…. No.
A while back, someone asked me a “this or that” type of
question. Which was….
“Let’s say there were
two women who actually wanted to go out with you. One is a very pretty young woman who has your
ideal body type but she has no degree and works as a sales clerk at a travel
agency. The other woman is significantly
overweight – as in Momma June overweight - but has a masters, is in upper management
at an office and makes over 200 thousand dollars a year. Who would you choose?”
So I answered this guy honestly…. I told him I would pick
the woman working at a travel agency, no question. Que the push-back….
“The difference
between the two is that the hot girl would still have you living a
paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle where one illness or injury might lead to
financial ruin. The big girl would give
you a good life where you don’t really have to worry about finances. But I guess it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t
have the body of one of those European glamour models you like, right?”
You know what I told him?
Money doesn’t matter to me, I’m not a damn gold digger where I am going
to force myself to go out with someone I don’t like just because of their bank
account. Simple as that.
This is what he said to me:
“So women do it all
the time, why shouldn’t you be different?”
I am going to let you readers know right now that this is
what you call an “acceptable double standard.”
Women are simply better at looking past initial appearance than men
are. They just are. It’s how they are wired. That is why you see women with men like the
person I showed in a screen grab earlier.
On the other hand, once a man has it wired into his brain that something
is a dealbreaker, all bets are off even if a woman is making bank. He would rather stay single!
This is what this guy then said:
“No they are not. You are just shallow, and the ironic thing is
that you would turn away a woman that might be good for you simply because she
is a litter big when you’re not exactly the pinnacle of male evolution
yourself.”
Yeah, “shallow” for having a preference and for pretty much
answering a question that he asked plus a dig at me for good measure. Here is my problem with this: other guys can
have same or similar preferences and they don’t get push-back and rebuttals
like I do and insults are not hurled at them.
This leads me to believe that if my appearance was perceived
to be more “correct” or “properly hunky,” people would seem to have no issues
with my body type preferences at all.
---
I stated some facts
about myself, and I got compared to a murderous maniac….
I told someone this one day.
Keep in mind that I was not lying in any of this….
I said, “I obviously wouldn’t say this to a women right away
nor would I put it on a dating profile, but I have never been in trouble with
the law; not even so much as a traffic ticket, thanks to me being responsible
with my bills etc all three of my credit scores are in the 800’s, I would never
cheat on a woman, I am known as a joke repository that can tell a joke at
anytime and I always like to do research on things so I know not to give people
bank stares when they talk about certain subjects.”
This is what she said to me:
“So you know how to
recite jokes out of playboy magazine and look up useless trivia? Big deal!
The rest? So you have never done
anything to get your ass thrown in jail, you have the common sense to pay your
bills on time and you would have the decency to not cheat on your partner. Congrats on doing what society expects a
decent man to do. It does not mean any
of that ‘entitles’ you to a woman and to be honest makes you sound like Elliot
Rodger.”
Okay…. I would like anyone to check to see if anything I mentioned
“entitles me to a woman.” Go ahead, try
it. The difference between me and Elliot
Rodger is that I don’t expect women to come to me just because I have those
attributes like the stuff he bragged about.
You still need to go up to them and talk to them! As I said, I would never put that stuff in a
dating profile or say any of those things to a woman right off the bat nor
would I expect a woman to flock to me just because I have any of those
attributes. It’s common sense.
This leads me to believe that if my appearance was perceived
to be more “correct” or “properly hunky,” people would seem to have no issues
with me stating some attributes about myself and they certainly wouldn’t be
comparing me to someone who killed a bunch of people!
---
….And now for the
better, more logical rebuttals to all of this.
I have gotten rebuttals that are not insults to what I have
said about this topic over the years, and I am going to share them with you as
it’s always good to present a logical argument to what I’m saying that doesn’t
aim to bash me.
Like the music thing:
“No woman is going to
‘write you off’ for liking classic rock or whatever. What people – including other women – do
have a problem with is when you talk about what is supposedly wrong with the
modern music industry in such great detail as if you’re in the music industry when
you have never held a position in the music industry in any capacity. That is why professional music journalists
and reviewers can say the exact same things as you but do not get any push-back
or remarks hurled their way.”
So, I asked them person how I should express my opinions. This is what he said:
“Take the sound
quality thing you always complain about.
You can say something like, ‘I noticed that modern albums seem to play
louder than older stuff but the sound quality is not as good when played on a
high-end system, I did some research and it’s because record labels are
mastering the records so they play louder on lower-end equipment that the
majority of music listeners are using. I
wish they would consider the people who like to listen to music on higher-end
systems and master the records accordingly so they sound good when played on all
systems.’ See? It sounds like a qualified observation from
someone who is an outsider. The way you
currently say it is the reason why people often dismiss you.”
His point is valid, but is basically saying something that I
can’t stand: to formulate your words as to be as PC as possible as to not
insult anyone, in this case namely the teenyboppers who like to listen to music
through crappy smartphone earbuds.
Sadly, as they make up the majority of music buyers nowadays record
labels know that these twerps will complain if they have to jack the volume all
the way up on their phones when they listen to music so they have the producers
up the “gain” of the music tracks during mastering so that it will play louder
on those low-end systems. However, on a
high-end system that is designed to bring out the nuances of music that low-end
systems often miss, the resulting product sounds like crap that is full of
distortion and artifacts. Even non-mass
market artists like Joe Bonamassa are doing it, which is really shitty as his
stuff is more likely to be played on a high end system than a mass market pop
star. It’s called “the loudness war” and
you can look it up.
See the difference?
The other person’s suggested opinion is PC hogwash that is designed to
not single out a person or group, while my explanation tells it like it is and
isn’t afraid to mince words.
Someone said this
about the car issue:
“I seriously doubt
that any woman is going to write you off because you like muscle cars over
import tuners. As you even said, plenty
of women like them too. But you tend to
make comments like, ‘Only a few import owners do things right, many times the
rest are just rap blasting backwards cap wearing punks who think that by
putting a fart can and huge wing on the back of their Civic DX they all of a
sudden have a hot rod.’ News flash Sam,
people don’t like it when you generalize.
Secondly, even domestic muscle car fans are starting to view calling an
axle-back exhaust a ‘fart can’ as a bit immature. You might want to take note of that.”
This person may think I’m “generalizing,” I’m simply not
afraid to state an observation that I made.
Also, they are called “fart cans” for a reason, because without other
types of engine mods (no, stickers don’t count!) those damn axle-backs on
4-cylinder cars sound just like they’re farting! How hard is that to understand?
Then another person
pointed out my voice:
“You say you can’t
change your voice, well, yes you can. If
you do research there are voice deepening surgeries you can have performed that
will ‘fix’ the issues that people are saying about your vocals.
Okay, I did research on this when this person said this to
me. If they botch the surgery there is a
chance that they’ll have to remove your voice box and you’ll be left with no
voice AT ALL! So I would rather just
keep what I’ll have, thank you very much.
This was said to me
about my appearance and my body type preference put together.
This next person tried to explain the reason people have issues with my body type preferences:
“I’m going to say why
that person got flippant on you when you answered his ‘this or that’ question
on the hot girl Vs the big girl the way you did. I remember, some time back you said that you
asked a cute girl out who works at a place you shop at and she told you she had
a boyfriend. You didn’t think she was
lying about it as you saw her walking out of the store with some guy and they
were holding hands.”
Now, I will mention that this dude looked like the typical
dumb jock type, I mean he couldn’t have been very bright as he was wearing a
scarf…. In the middle of summer! (This
is in south Florida, by the way). Plus
he was full of tattoos and had a “look” that signaled he might get in someone’s
face if they just glanced at his girlfriend.
Guess I was missing something she was looking for that he filled. :/
Anyway, continuing on with what this person was saying….
“Look, you don’t know
why she is with him. Maybe he’s wearing
that scarf because he finds it fashionable and doesn’t care if people think
it’s silly? Maybe that woman just likes
a man with tattoos. Maybe that he is not
that intelligent but he sexually satisfies her in ways that she never had
before. Maybe his family is loaded. Maybe he’s actually a smart guy who just
looks dumb jock on the outside but has all the makings of a successful
individual on the inside. Maybe he was
the only one to approach her after all the other guys just chickened out?”
Okay, I’ll give this person that. But then this is when he circled back to his
original point….
“I get you have
preferences, everyone does. BUT…. People
see someone – you - who constantly complains that women are turning you down even
though you have all these ‘qualities’ then the next minute you would basically
do the same thing to someone who doesn’t meet your ‘standards’ of what you are
looking for even if they have some other excellent attributes. It’s not about you being ‘properly hunky’ or
having an ‘incorrect appearance’ or whatever.
It’s because you are being hypocritical, once people see that they call
you out accordingly.”
Gee, you have opened my eyes! I guess I’m just a hypocrite for not wanting
to settle for someone who I would have zero attraction to, for what gain?
I have always said that forcing oneself to go out with someone
they are not attracted to is not healthy, for either party. For one thing, you are depriving him/her of
being with someone that is attracted to them.
Secondly, forcing yourself to go out with someone who you have zero
attraction to means you have officially given up trying. When your partner realizes that (or possibly
hears it from someone) it’s not a very good thing. Simply put, I’m just not into fat
chicks. How hard is that to understand?
About the food
thing….
Someone said this to me a long time ago as to why he thought
I get shit about my food preferences:
“No one is going to
criticize your food preferences; you are allowed to like what you like. However, you add extra commentary like ‘The
French are fucking weird, they’ll treat you like crap in one of their
restaurants for asking for any sort of sauce but they think it’s somehow fancy
to eat frog legs or snails.’ Sam, have
you ever been to France or even stepped foot in a French restaurant? No?
That is the reason why people tell you that a woman might right you off
as being an ‘unsophisticated dolt,’ not because you like or don’t like
something but because you have to insult other cultures in the process.”
My simple take on what he said:
Sorry, but if any country thinks it’s “fancy” to eat snails
but the chefs and waitstaff at one of their restaurants treat you like an evil
alien for asking for ketchup or any other sauce, then yes they are “fucking
weird.” That is all….
---
Some additional
things….
Now I know a lot of people are going to say, "Sam people are giving you push-back on your
opinions and preferences because it sounds like…."
1. "….You’re singling
out and blaming an entire group of people for something negative trend in an
industry, in this case music."
Sorry, but the music industry doing things to cater to the
largest demographic of music buyers –
young people who think that Beats by Dr Dre is a good product – is the reason
why the sound quality is so bad on new recordings when you play them on
anything higher end than a low-end mini system bought at Wal-Mart. So yes, I’ll single them out.
2. ….You’re
generalizing a whole group of people who drive Imports.
Sorry, but if I made the observation that nearly all drivers
of riced-out Civics and other imports tend to drive around wearing their caps
backwards and/or blasting hip-hop, then it’s not a “generalization.” This does not apply to the legit import
tuners, who are mostly cool people who know how to do things right with their
cars.
3. ….You’re insulting
other people’s cultures when you explain your food preferences.
This deserves a copy and paste. Sorry, but if any country thinks it’s
“fancy” to eat snails but the chefs and waitstaff at one of their restaurants
treat you like an evil alien for asking for ketchup or any other sauce, then
yes they are “fucking weird.” That is
all…
Look, I call things as I see them and I refuse to be
PC. Sometimes, in order to get your
point across you have to do one thing…..
Line ‘em
up and swing the proverbial golf tee. If people don’t like it, tough shit!
----
Bonus: Can’t blame a guy for saying he would put
himself out there, oh wait I guess you can….
I once said to a person in jest that if I was to be win the
Powerball or Mega Millions and go on a TV news station for an interview, I
would name drop an actress or model I know is single, say I am smitten and
offer right then and there to take her out on a date. There is a high chance of her accepting the
offer because let’s face it, the more money you have the more attractive you
instantly become in the eyes of a female (I didn’t say that by the way, a well
known dating / relationship consultant did.
I’m just repeating it).
I mean, look at Mariah Carey’s new fiancé. He looks like someone beat him over the head
with a stick but he’s getting married to freakin’ Mariah Carey! (I didn’t say this part to the person, just
pointing that out for reference).
To which this person replied….
“So you’re seriously
saying that if you got lucky in a lottery all you had to do was name drop a
celebrity on national TV and she’ll automatically go out with you? That is so delusional first of all and secondly
she would most likely turn you down because most famous people like actresses
and models prefer guys who earned the money they have rather than some nobody
who won theirs in a game of chance. That
is also a reason why most high-end matchmaking services refuses to help lottery
winners.”
Yes, it’s true that many high-end matchmakers won’t take on
lottery winners as clients (I think the “Millionaire Matchmaker” says they’re
not “real millionaires,” whatever that means).
But calling me delusional?
Seriously? I am willing to bet
my lunch money that the person who called me that would do the same thing if he
was in my shoes. For the record, the
reason I said it in jest is that if I was lucky enough to win a huge lottery
prize, I would form a trust and claim it through that so my name isn’t out
there, and I would decline to give all interviews, so it’s a moot point
anyway.
Which leads to believe one thing: When this person called me
“delusional,” what he was really saying was “you’re not properly hunky enough
or have the correct appearance to make that kind of statement.” Which is dumb, because again look at Mariah
Carey’s fiancé….
----
In conclusion….
I am not saying that people should automatically agree with
everything I say, do, like, dislike or have preferences towards. But there is a difference between not
agreeing with something and giving me push-back or insults just because you are
not on the same page as me.
I seriously think that in order to stop the push-back and
insults, I have to start going to the gym and getting “ripped.” I can tell you that finely tuned muscles are
not high on my priority list. Using my
brain to collect information so I can talk to someone without giving them a
blank stare is high on my priority list.
So is having my own thoughts, opinions, observations, and
convictions. If you don’t think so, that
is 100 percent on you, not me.
End of.
